Bad Language
So it turns out that Teddy needs the “bastard wellies” today at school for “Wilderness Hour”. WTF is Wilderness Hour? I ask him (without the WTF). Teddy explains to me - and I quote word for word “We go around the school woods looking at bushes and shit... “
Oh my God - he just dropped the S-bomb. On the upside, it wasn’t the C-bomb, but he is only 8.
Where on earth did he come across the word “shit”? My brain starts going into overdrive thinking where he might have heard it - I mean, Teddy spends time on youtube at home - but he is addicted to that dreadful “Stampylongnose “ character - who despite sounding like he’s having his balls continually pinched, I am sure he doesn’t use any rude language. There’s also that guy “Dan TDM” - the bloke with the blue hair. Again, a bit of a moron, but not a swearer.
Ben is surgically attached to his PS4 playing Fifa... so I am
quick to eliminate him.
And then it dawns on me - I watch my language very carefully at home - but there is one place where I seem to lose all verbal control - and that is in the car.
Now some of you will understand what I am talking about. There are simply so many bloody awful drivers on the road these days, that you encounter on almost a daily basis some total dickhead who drives, as my mother so eloquently puts it, “like a drain”.
My particular pet hate on the road is when someone in front of me (normally an old person) crawls along at 25mph in a 50mph zone. It drives me (pardon the pun) completely mad. It inevitably happens when I’m in a hurry (school run) and what’s worse, is when they just make the traffic light, only for it to turn red as I approach. Arseholes.
Another pet hate is when I’m joining a motorway and some idiot behind me on the slip road decides to pull out onto the motorway before me. Totally dangerous, totally unnecessary and totally stupid. There is such a thing as driving etiquette and you, my friend, are a cock.
And so there it is - I am your guilty party. “Shithead” is a particularly popular word in the car, as well as “Bell-end” and “Cockface”. Delightful. My parents should be so proud.
So I have to have a quiet word with Teddy to advise him it’s properly best not to use that silly word as it’s really not that nice and gentlemanly. Teddy looks at me quizzically and then with a deadpan face says “So that’s the same for “Fuck” then is it?!”
Oh my God, the shame.....
Oh my God - he just dropped the S-bomb. On the upside, it wasn’t the C-bomb, but he is only 8.
Where on earth did he come across the word “shit”? My brain starts going into overdrive thinking where he might have heard it - I mean, Teddy spends time on youtube at home - but he is addicted to that dreadful “Stampylongnose “ character - who despite sounding like he’s having his balls continually pinched, I am sure he doesn’t use any rude language. There’s also that guy “Dan TDM” - the bloke with the blue hair. Again, a bit of a moron, but not a swearer.
Ben is surgically attached to his PS4 playing Fifa... so I am
quick to eliminate him.
And then it dawns on me - I watch my language very carefully at home - but there is one place where I seem to lose all verbal control - and that is in the car.
Now some of you will understand what I am talking about. There are simply so many bloody awful drivers on the road these days, that you encounter on almost a daily basis some total dickhead who drives, as my mother so eloquently puts it, “like a drain”.
My particular pet hate on the road is when someone in front of me (normally an old person) crawls along at 25mph in a 50mph zone. It drives me (pardon the pun) completely mad. It inevitably happens when I’m in a hurry (school run) and what’s worse, is when they just make the traffic light, only for it to turn red as I approach. Arseholes.
Another pet hate is when I’m joining a motorway and some idiot behind me on the slip road decides to pull out onto the motorway before me. Totally dangerous, totally unnecessary and totally stupid. There is such a thing as driving etiquette and you, my friend, are a cock.
And so there it is - I am your guilty party. “Shithead” is a particularly popular word in the car, as well as “Bell-end” and “Cockface”. Delightful. My parents should be so proud.
So I have to have a quiet word with Teddy to advise him it’s properly best not to use that silly word as it’s really not that nice and gentlemanly. Teddy looks at me quizzically and then with a deadpan face says “So that’s the same for “Fuck” then is it?!”
Oh my God, the shame.....
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