Spring Presentation!
Today an email was sent from school outlining all the important dates for our diary for the rest of the term.
I scanned the letter quickly and looked on in horror, due to the fact that the last point on the list was numbered 13! Whhhhat? Thirteen important dates between now and the end of term?!! But that’s only 3 weeks away. FFS!!!
Number one on the list was “Spring Presentation - a Disney extravaganza!”
Quite what Disney has to do with spring I don’t know - but I’m not going to knock it - I love a bit of Disney. As I read on, I was instructed to open appendix A, which outlined what role Teddy would be acting and the required costume.
I eagerly clicked into Appendix A and scanned the note for Teddy’s name.
All of the main parts were listed at the beginning and it was clear the roles became more minor as you made your way down... I eventually reached Teddy’s name near the end of the list and learned that he is a “Road sweeper number 1”. How many road sweepers are there?!! Oh whoop-dee-doo! Another year of craning my neck to see Teddy appear at the back of the stage for approximately 5 minutes of a 2-hour show. Bloody marvellous! Always a pleasure to spend 2 hours of my life being entertained/bored to bits by everyone else’s sodding children... I wonder if I should give it a miss this year, but my motherly conscience rears its head and of course, I realise I must support Teddy. Bugger!
I looked to see who had got the main parts. Surprise surprise! Peter-fucking -perfect-Parkes has the role of Peter Pan. Isobel -I’m the Best at Everything-Green, has been awarded the role of Mary Poppins. This is so typical! These kids are not only academically brilliant but also amazing at sport (“A” team across the board) and seem to represent the school ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Whether it be doing a reading at the school carol service, to leading the harvest festival special assembly, teachers always pick the same kids. What infuriates me so much, is that the school bangs on about how it likes to celebrate each child’s talent and give them all the same opportunity -blah blah blah - but quite clearly that is TOTAL horse-shit. It’s the same at speech day - each year it’s the same kids who are awarded the prizes. Last year, Peter Parkes got a prize for ‘academic achievement’ AND a prize for ‘effort’ for the same sodding subject! Oh cock off, you smug little shit!
I went on to inspect the costume list for “road sweeper number 1”.
Brown trousers, ripped white shirt (preferably with dirt on it) a waistcoat, flat cap, and broom. Well, it’s no surprise that Teddy doesn’t own brown trousers, a flat cap and a waistcoat. Neither does he have a white shirt, which is ripped and dirty...
Taking a quick look on Amazon, I find a “Boy’s Victorian chimney -sweep fancy-dress costume” which consists of trousers, cap and waistcoat. A pile of cheap polyester crap for the eye-watering price of £20 - and it doesn’t even include the sodding white shirt..... Oh fucking marvellous - I’ve got to spend a small fortune on essentially something which will be worn for the grand total of 5 minutes max.
As I ponder over which size to buy, I glance back at the costume list. Haha! I bet Peter Parkes’s mum is going to have to shell out a fortune for his Peter Pan costume! But to my annoyance - against his name, are the words “Costume will be provided by school”. Oh, well that’s just bloody typical! Not only does he get the main part, but it’s not going to cost his mum a bloody penny! Honestly, some people have all the luck... or maybe not - I’m not sure if Teddy would want to be on stage in front of 100 parents wearing a pair of green tights! Haha! Poor old Peter!
I scanned the letter quickly and looked on in horror, due to the fact that the last point on the list was numbered 13! Whhhhat? Thirteen important dates between now and the end of term?!! But that’s only 3 weeks away. FFS!!!
Number one on the list was “Spring Presentation - a Disney extravaganza!”
Quite what Disney has to do with spring I don’t know - but I’m not going to knock it - I love a bit of Disney. As I read on, I was instructed to open appendix A, which outlined what role Teddy would be acting and the required costume.
I eagerly clicked into Appendix A and scanned the note for Teddy’s name.
All of the main parts were listed at the beginning and it was clear the roles became more minor as you made your way down... I eventually reached Teddy’s name near the end of the list and learned that he is a “Road sweeper number 1”. How many road sweepers are there?!! Oh whoop-dee-doo! Another year of craning my neck to see Teddy appear at the back of the stage for approximately 5 minutes of a 2-hour show. Bloody marvellous! Always a pleasure to spend 2 hours of my life being entertained/bored to bits by everyone else’s sodding children... I wonder if I should give it a miss this year, but my motherly conscience rears its head and of course, I realise I must support Teddy. Bugger!
I looked to see who had got the main parts. Surprise surprise! Peter-fucking -perfect-Parkes has the role of Peter Pan. Isobel -I’m the Best at Everything-Green, has been awarded the role of Mary Poppins. This is so typical! These kids are not only academically brilliant but also amazing at sport (“A” team across the board) and seem to represent the school ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Whether it be doing a reading at the school carol service, to leading the harvest festival special assembly, teachers always pick the same kids. What infuriates me so much, is that the school bangs on about how it likes to celebrate each child’s talent and give them all the same opportunity -blah blah blah - but quite clearly that is TOTAL horse-shit. It’s the same at speech day - each year it’s the same kids who are awarded the prizes. Last year, Peter Parkes got a prize for ‘academic achievement’ AND a prize for ‘effort’ for the same sodding subject! Oh cock off, you smug little shit!
I went on to inspect the costume list for “road sweeper number 1”.
Brown trousers, ripped white shirt (preferably with dirt on it) a waistcoat, flat cap, and broom. Well, it’s no surprise that Teddy doesn’t own brown trousers, a flat cap and a waistcoat. Neither does he have a white shirt, which is ripped and dirty...
Taking a quick look on Amazon, I find a “Boy’s Victorian chimney -sweep fancy-dress costume” which consists of trousers, cap and waistcoat. A pile of cheap polyester crap for the eye-watering price of £20 - and it doesn’t even include the sodding white shirt..... Oh fucking marvellous - I’ve got to spend a small fortune on essentially something which will be worn for the grand total of 5 minutes max.
As I ponder over which size to buy, I glance back at the costume list. Haha! I bet Peter Parkes’s mum is going to have to shell out a fortune for his Peter Pan costume! But to my annoyance - against his name, are the words “Costume will be provided by school”. Oh, well that’s just bloody typical! Not only does he get the main part, but it’s not going to cost his mum a bloody penny! Honestly, some people have all the luck... or maybe not - I’m not sure if Teddy would want to be on stage in front of 100 parents wearing a pair of green tights! Haha! Poor old Peter!
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