Easter Bonnet Hatred

So today was the boys “Easter Bonnet Parade” at school. Yes, you heard me right - the “Easter Bonnet Parade”. This is an annual event at the school which involves the parents - er, I mean the children, making an Easter hat and then wandering around the school field showing off their beautiful/shit creations. My boys HATE this event as they think they look like a couple of twits. On account of them being 8 and 10, I would almost agree with them. It’s one thing cute 5 year olds skipping around with eggs hanging from their ears, but 2 smelly boys shuffling around, head down, with some piece of crap/Easter hat perched on their head, is not a particularly endearing sight.

I must admit that I also hate this event, as I’m the poor sod who’s got to make the bastard bonnets.... not only do I have to source the hat (I buy everything from Wilko! - I am now an expert having done it for the last 7 years), but I have to buy the things that get attached to the hat (I hang eggs all around the brim - imagine an Australian hat with corks hanging down and then I shove tiny little chicks and rabbits on top). When I say shove, I actually have to delicately sew the bloody things on - a glue gun doesn’t work.

Every year I say the same thing to the boys - “be careful with it - so we can use it again the following year”... but every year, the pesky little buggers rip the eggs off and drop-kick the bunnies and chicks to the other side of the field. Arseholes! (My kids - not the bunnies).

There is a prize given in each year group for the “best bonnet” and a prize for the overall best hat. When I say prize - it’s a measly Cadbury’s cream egg for the individual year prizes and a small smarties Easter egg for the overall best hat. Well, to be honest, I couldn’t give a damn if my kids won or not, but there are always those parents who are absolutely determined for their darling little offspring to win.

I remember the time Ben was in year 1. Ben was wearing his very basic egg and chick hat and I was simply so relieved a) to have remembered it was Easter Bonnet day and b) that the bonnet had survived the journey to school.

As the children started to come into the classroom in the morning, wearing their hats, you began to feel the tension amongst the competitive parents grow. The creations seemed to get more and more extravagant - one little girl came in with a hat full of fresh flowers, another was wearing a top hat with rabbit ears sticking out of it with playing cards attached (a subtle nod to Alice in Wonderland). One kid even had a fluffy sheep on his head - too cute!

It was clear that some of the parents had really gone to town - I can imagine they had bought half of “Hobbycraft” to produce their masterpieces. Papier mache, glue-guns, ribbons, flowers, feathers, stickers, you name it - it was all there.

Now there happened to be a little girl in Ben’s class, whose parents were totally loaded. When I say totally loaded, they lived in a mega mansion and dad had numerous luxury cars. In walked Priscilla wearing what I can only describe as an ‘Easter Bonnet Extravaganza!’ For on top of her head, balanced an ENORMOUS Cadbury Cream egg. It was breathtakingly intricate, beautifully-made and clearly the outright winner...Put it this way - if Ben’s hat was “M&S”, Priscilla’s one would be Philip Treacy!!

Well, what followed was hilarious! Everyone in the room suddenly realised it was a one-horse-race and the tears and tantrums began to flow! Mutterings of “It’s not Fair!” and tuts of disapproval filled the room as well as death- stares given in Priscilla’s direction (and that’s just by the parents!).

Ben and I kept our heads down (although I did have to stop him trying to eat Priscilla’s hat!), as the carnage unfolded. As I left the room, I even caught Veronica Chow’s mother dabbing tears from her eyes. Clearly, she thought she was onto a winner with her “Jesus-On -A- Cross-Crucifix” hat - (there’s always one!)

Well, of course, it is no surprise that Priscilla won the competition - her creation after all was amazing, but I also think it might have had something to do with her dad having literally just financed a brand new drama room!

Cynical me? Never!